Evangelion: The Angel With Broken Wings
by Turles
Summary: Are you a Kaworu fan? Then this is the story for you. It's about Kaworu Nagisa himself and his past, how does he know so much about Shinji? That's answered here in this new and improved version.
1. Prologue

****

Disclaimer: I don't own the copyrights to Evangelion. All copyrights belong to their respective owners. 

****

Readers' disclaimer: This contains Evangelion Spoilers. If you haven't seen all (and I do mean all of the series) I highly advise you don't read this.

Neon Genesis

EVANGELION 

E 

The Angel with Broken Wings

Episode 0: Prologue 

A Fan Fiction series

By

Turles

E 

The year was 2004; it had already been four years since that disastrous event in the Antarctic, the event that has come to be known as "The Second Impact", and in only those few short years the world has become a true hell. Millions, perhaps billions, of people are dead, either from the Second Impact or from the ethnic conflicts and civil wars that have spawned. Thousands upon thousands of different plants and animals have perished from that one event. A singular catastrophe has changed the world, even though the entire truth was never told. It was believed that a comet had impacted the Antarctic and caused "The Second Impact", but the truth is out there for those brave enough to find it.

On a lonely stretch of road that spread across Japan a singular car was traveling on it to Tokyo-2. In the front seat was Tsutomu and Megumi Nagisa. The two of them were reporters for the _Tokyo-2 Times._ This was the same couple that brought the news of the Second impact not only to Tokyo-2, but also to all of Japan.

Riding in the back was their son, Kaworu Nagisa. He was seat belted into the back seat, fast asleep with his chin on his chest. He slept like a baby even though Kaworu was only 4 years old. At least that's his estimated age. 

Kaworu wasn't actually Tsutomu or Megumi's true son, he was found. The couple had found the little child in the debris of what used to be Tokyo. It was like the other major cities across the globe. The buildings were broken as if they were made out of gingerbread. The blast was powerful enough to knock down the buildings yet leave only remnants of steel and glass standing. Tokyo, since it was on the Pacific Sea, it was flooded like New York, Washington, Paris, London and Hong Kong. All of those cities had rivers for what used to be their streets and an ocean bed that used to be part of a commuters walk from home to work. 

It was within the rubble along the shores (or the outskirts of Tokyo) that Kaworu was found. He was lying in the rubble of glass and steel and when Megumi found him she expected him to be cut up and bruised or bleeding. Yet he was there naked, crying and unharmed as if some unknown force protected him. Since neither Tsutomu nor Megumi had no children of their own they took in the infant and called him Kaworu. 

The most distinguished feature that Kaworu had when he was found was his general appearance. He had pale, albino-like skin, his hair was a grayish color and his eyes were red. When a doctor examined him he said to the adoptive parents, "Physically, there's nothing wrong with him."

Kaworu slept peacefully in the back seat while his mom and dad were discussing the discoveries that they've made.

"What did you find out about the Katsuragi Expedition?" Tsutomu asked

Megumi pulled out papers and read them to her husband, "According to what I found out," she reported, "The only survivor was 15 year old Misato Katsuragi, the daughter of the man who lead the expedition. It was said that she was in a catatonic state when she was found drifting in the sea."

"What about Seelee? Who are they and what are their plans?"

"I've found out something about those people. They're a secret organization that was established well before the Second Impact, actually they were established by the United Nations. As a matter of fact I found out what actually caused the Second Impact."

"What was it?"

"It was a creature that Seelee calls 'The First Angel': 'Adam'. Those in the Katsuragi Expedition reported that it was a giant glowing being. They tried to contain it for their use but the being self-destructed. At least that's the explanation that they came up with for themselves."  
"So, Seelee has been behind this the whole time."

"No only that but they've been following prophecies from the Dead Sea Scrolls. That's what brought them to the Antarctic and the Katsuragi Expedition. What they planned to do with Adam is unclear to me."

"Whatever their plans are we have to get this out to the public. Something tells me that Seelee has more planned than what we think."

Megumi turned to look at the sleeping Kaworu. She looked at him and thought about what a good boy Kaworu was. Yet she thought about that day when she and Tsutomu found him in the rubble of Tokyo. She kept thinking about how it was that a child could have survived the destruction of a city. 

"What are you thinking about?" Tsutomu asked

"Kaworu," She said, "It seems kind of odd that he was born around the time after the Second Impact."

"They say that for every life that dies a new one is born."

Kaworu was dreaming, in his dreams he saw different things. He saw things that didn't make sense to his four-year-old mind, yet on another level they did make sense. He kept seeing images of one girl and one boy. The boy was crying loudly in his torn up shirt and a bag by his side. The cries that Kaworu heard sent pain into his heart he wanted to help the child but he couldn't. The girl that Kaworu saw had red hair and was hugging a teddy bear. He felt the same feeling when he heard the girl crying. Were these children crying for their parents? Had their parents died? As the visions sped along he heard himself question himself.

"I am Kaworu Nagisa." He said in his dreams, "But who am I? What am I?"

All good questions for a four-year-old to ask, then Kaworu saw something again in the dream. All was black now, but from the darkness came light. Kaworu saw a point of light in front of him and he saw a figure approaching him. He looked closely and he saw that the figure wasn't quite human, though it had human form. He continued to look into the darkness and saw that the figure had wings, Angel wings that sprouted out from his back and curled around his body. Then Kaworu saw it's face, he looked closely as the light brightened around the figure. The face was his; the angel had Kaworu's face. 

"An Angel?" Kaworu asked himself

Meanwhile in reality Tsutomu and Megumi were discussing Kaworu.

"If we find out the whole truth." Megumi warned, "Seelee might come for us."

"This is our job as reporters, we must get the truth out to the people."

"But will this right for Kaworu?" Megumi asked as she looked back to the still sleeping Kaworu.

Tsutomu simply replied, "I am thinking of Kaworu. I want him to live in a world where he can have the right to know what he wishes." 

The car passed along the lonely stretch of highway and a green traffic sign passed them. It read the Tokyo-2 was only 2km away. 

"We're coming close to Tokyo-2" Tsutomu stated, "We're almost home." 

Tsutomu applied his foot to the break as he saw the exit off the highway. He turned into the lane that leads to the exit. When he pressed down on the break the car didn't slow down. He pressed his foot down again and the car still didn't slow down. Without his wife watching, Tsutomu rammed his foot down onto the break pedal and still the car didn't stop. 

In front of them the sharp curve of the off ramp was coming at them fast like a freight train. Tsutomu took the wheel and tried to steer around the curve, but it was too late, the sheer speed of the car being on the freeway was enough that the car flipping. In that instant the car was spinning in mid air with its passengers inside feeling the effects. It seemed so much faster in real life then it does in the movies. In the movies at least the good guys don't die in car crashes though it seems that it was going to happen. 

The only thing that was running through both Tsutomu and Megumi's mind was Kaworu. The two of them had raised him for four years as if he was their own. If the time was lengthened then the best action they would have taken is to save Kaworu. They didn't think about their own lives, Kaworu took presence over their thoughts. 

Even with the car tossing and turning like a carnival ride Kaworu was still resting peacefully. At least until the car tipped forward and the seatbelt that held Kaworu snapped which sent him flying forward through the windshield. He was sent out into the cold night but he was sent forward and the tumbling-crashing car was coming right at him. As Kaworu landed on the cold ground the crashing car came at him and an orange octagonal field that seemed to pop up out of nowhere stopped it. 

Megumi and Tsutomu saw this and wondered what was going on, but before they could even ask the field had shoved forward and sent the car flying onto it's side. While inside the car the fuel injector was leaking and the sparks from the internal combustion engine had set it on fire. Thus the car exploded and burnt its passengers alive, leaving Kaworu on the cold ground. 

E 

Kaworu felt the moisture of the cold wet ground touching his face like a pillow. He started to come around; his blurred vision only picked up color blotches. He could see blotches of red, blue, yellow and orange. They moved around in Kaworu's vision in an erratic behavior like fire flies. 

His ears picked up only muffled voices. It was like trying to hear the voice of another person through from under water. The voices, though muffled sounded distressed, like paramedics. 

Slowly, Kaworu regained sight and sound. The blotches of color turned from their beautiful dance to a horrible nightmare. Kaworu saw the car he traveled in with his mom and dad. It was on its side, Kaworu could see its underside, all of its inner workings, internal plumbing and wires. He could see fire; the fire was seeping out from the side windows like steam. From that vision of the car on its side and the fire, Kaworu's brain instantly sent the message through his whole body. His parents were dead. 

The colors of red and blue were the police lights as well as the ambulance. Kaworu looked in all the vision that he regained and saw shadowy figures standing over him like doctors. He watched them hover above like angels, he almost wished that he was dead so he could be with his mom and dad. One of the shadows that hovered over him had shunned a light into his eyes. As his pupils began to dilate his hearing had returned. 

"He's coming around!" A man's voice called out

"Get him into the ambulance." Another voice called out.

Kaworu felt his body lift up as if he was floating. He looked up and he saw white light consume all his vision. It was like that shadow figure who shunned that light into his eyes only now it was amplified. 

"Please." Kaworu pleaded in his mind as if he was praying, "Don't let them be dead."

He couldn't hold onto consciousness any longer as his eyes closed slowly and he drifted off to sleep. 

E 

Some time later: After the car crash that ended the lives of Megumi and Tsutomu Nagisa, Kaworu was sent to live at a near by orphanage. He was there only for a few months but in that time he was there he had become aware of his parents death. He learned of what happened that night. He learned that the cars breaks had failed which sent the car into a near by ditch. Kaworu did survive but his parents didn't. For a few months he became reclusive but somehow he came around and he was happy with the other children of the orphanage. At least until one day he was sent to a foster home. 

Kaworu sat in his room reading _Charlotte's Web _when he heard a loud door slam. Kaworu's room was small and square, the bed took up half of the space. The bed was against one wall that was furthest from the door while the rest of the room consisted of a bookshelf and a desk. Anyone else would have suspected that the room was more like a hotel room than a permanent residence. 

The loud door slam was a sign to Kaworu of what was to come through that door. It was the same thing that had been plaguing him for the past few weeks since he arrived at this home. This plague that would come through that bedroom door had left the bruises, cuts and scrapes on Kaworu's body. Kaworu lifted his hand to feel the bruise and cut against his left cheek. It was left there by that plague beyond that door just a week ago and it hadn't completely healed just yet. 

Kaworu heard the loud footsteps coming up the stairs to his room. From the light under the door, Kaworu saw a shadow standing in the lights way. Almost as if it was pure evil that was obstructing the light of God. He watched as the doorknob turned and the door opened and he saw the plague that was going to leave more cuts, scrapes and bruises on his body. It was his foster father, Todd; a tall, pudgy balding man with a dirty beer and sweat stained tank top. He had hair on his arms all the way up to his shoulders, down his back and his chest. He skulked into the room with a bottle of Sake in his hand and took a swig of it and drank it like water.

Kaworu watched this plague chug down the Sake like a drinking contest and with the light coming from behind he saw that his foster father was wearing his rings. Three rings on the hand that swigged the Sake bottle and to on the free hand. This is what left Kaworu with those cuts, scrapes and bruises, but some nights this plague would come with a belt or a pipe in his hand. It was evident that he was drunk tonight.

Todd belched and said in his slurred drunken voice, "Are you ready for what's coming to you. You little shit." 

Kaworu didn't say a word; he knew that if he said a word it would make it worse. He knew that he couldn't run. That was obvious the first time he tried it, when he did the foster father caught him by Kaworu's collar and dragged him back for more beatings. It was best if Kaworu kept his mouth shut but he couldn't stand it. Being in this home that smelt of stale beer and sweat just like him.

Todd took another swig of the sake and skulked closer to Kaworu, he dropped the book and waited for what's coming. Yet he felt as if tonight was going to be different, he watched Todd take the last swig of the sake, now the bottle was empty. Todd raised the bottle and cracked it on the hard wood floor, smashing it into a jagged sharp edged weapon. Todd raised the bottle again this time with the jagged edge down like the butcher knife in the movie _Psycho_ at the shower scene. This was different than those times that Todd would come to Kaworu's room with his belt or a pipe. Kaworu had a conception that with sharp objects comes sharp pain. 

He closed his eyes and waited for the pain to come as he did he heard Todd's voice call out, "What in the hell?!" 

Kaworu opened his eyes and saw an orange flat octagonal field stretched out in front of him like a shield. Todd was holding the broken bottle weapon against the field and trying to get through it. He lifted it and pounded away at it like a prospector, yet he couldn't get past the field. 

Kaworu saw his opportunity to run, the thought ran through his mind over and over, it took over like an impulse to do his hearts desires. As this thought ran through his mind, the orange octagonal field made a shove forward sending Todd flying against the wall. 

It was a sight to watch, to see that plague be brought down. Kaworu didn't know how this field appeared or what it was but all he cared about was getting out of that house.

"Get out, now! Get out now!" His mind kept telling him. 

He regained control of his legs that were paralyzed with fear. He got off the bed and ran down the old stairs and out the door to the streets. The direction didn't matter to him, he simply ran, he ran until his muscles burned and his veins pumped battery acid. Then he ran some more. 

"I'm free." Kaworu thought, "Thank God and all his angels I'm free." 

He looked up to the night sky to see the clouds being illuminated by the cities lights. He felt the wetness fall down on his face. It was raining, he felt the rain trickle down his face, to his neck and to his body. The rain was cooling the sweat had accumulated on his skin from the running. He didn't care where he was, all he knew is that he was far away from Todd and that hell that was dared to be called his home. 

He raised his hands to the sky saying his own kind of thanks to God himself.

"Thank you." Kaworu whispered. 

To be continued…

****

Author's Notes: This is a story about the Fifth Child, the 17th Angel; Kaworu Nagisa. I always had a fascination with him and I wanted to do something that deals with his past. So I thought it over and I notice that most of the Eva pilots have to have something disastrous happen to them at a young age. Example: Shinji Ikari is abandoned at the age of four. So I thought about it and this is one possibility of the mystery that surrounds Kaworu Nagisa. 

Originally I did a few things completely different from the series, then I thought that I should try to merge it with the series so it would seem a little more authentic. I was reminded of what one author told me that an Author Created Character could only be an observer but not a participant. However in this case Kaworu is an official character, but he doesn't show up until the 24th episode. Plus he knows so much about everyone in Evangelion, so I felt why not have Kaworu as an observer through the whole series? At least that would be a better way to explain why Kaworu knows so much about Shinji in the first place. I do apologize for my grammar, I wanted to see what kind of reaction this would get, so with this new version of "The Angel with Broken Wings". Enjoy 


	2. The Angel Awakened

****

Disclaimer: I don't own the copyrights to Evangelion. All copyrights belong to their respective owners. 

****

Readers' disclaimer: This contains Evangelion Spoilers. If you haven't seen all (and I do mean all of the series) I highly advise you don't read this.

Neon Genesis

EVANGELION 

E 

The Angel with Broken Wings

Episode 01: The Angel Awakened 

E 

Kaworu ran far and fast from that disgusting home that he had lived in for all those years. This is what he desired the most, freedom. The feeling of being free was so exhilarating to his senses that everything seemed so much brighter. Even with the dark clouds and rain falling all of it seemed to be so much better now that he was free. 

He ran into the mountains away from any city, town or village. He found a small clearing on a hillside; the ground was cool to his sweating skin. It was all grass as if God had made this little patch of grass just for him. He lay down and before he knew it, he began to fall asleep on the cool grass. The dangers in the woods didn't matter to him and neither did the danger of being found scare him. 

As he began to dream he heard a voice calling him.

"Tabris." The voice called

Kaworu didn't move from his needed slumber, yet in his mind he could see it all clearly. 

He found himself sitting on a train. He knew this to be a train since he had been on them when he traveled from home to school. The same clean steel walls and windows that looked out onto the scenic landscape. Beyond the windows the sun was setting, sending all of its exuberant colors of yellow, orange, and red into the cabin. Yet there was something different. The train was completely empty, why? Why was this place empty and why was he here on this train?

He looked forward and saw a shadowy figure sitting in front of him. The figure looked like a small boy, but Kaworu couldn't figure that out. All he could do was try to figure out who was calling him. 

"Tabris." The voice called, the voice was louder yet it was soft and gentle. 

Kaworu looked forward and saw that the voice was coming from the little boy.

"Who are you?" Kaworu asked

"I am an Angel."

Kaworu felt awestruck, he thought that an Angel of God would just come down from the sky with it's Greek Toga and white wings outspread giving him the word of God from above. 

"An Angel?" He asked

"Yes, brother." The Angel responded

"Brother?"  
"That's right, your one of us. You're an Angel, but you've been living with the humans too long. So we must fill you in on why you have awakened."

"Awakened?"

"15 years ago, our brother Adam killed himself so he wouldn't be taken prisoner by the humans. That act caused the Second Impact as well as stirred our brothers and sisters out of dormancy and your one of them Tabris."

"My name is not Tabris!" Kaworu screamed, "My name is Kaworu Nagisa and I am a human being!"

There was a moment of silence. 

Kaworu looked across the isle to where the shadowy figure sat, Kaworu was hoping that this was a nightmare that he would simply wake up from. Yet somehow this nightmare was so real, he could feel the bumps coming from underneath the seat. That meant that the train was moving. He could see the telephone poles passing by as if they were going somewhere, but where we they going. Then again it didn't matter to Kaworu, he simply wanted to wake up from this nightmare.

"Please wake up." He kept saying to himself, "Please wake up."

The voice spoke again, "I know this is hard for you to accept, but being around the humans has made you forget what you are. You've become an Angel with broken wings. Let me heal your wings brother and let you take flight again."

Kaworu thought of a question that would throw a curve to whoever was speaking, "If I'm an Angel," He asked, "then why do I have human form?"

"It is the way the Lord created you, Tabris."

Kaworu screamed once again, "MY NAME IS NOT TABRIS! I AM KAWORU NAGISA!"

Kaworu heard the figure exhale; it was as if the figure was frustrated with him and that he was going to try to do something completely different. 

"Let me show you, brother." The figure said

In a flash Kaworu saw in his minds eye all the things that had happened to him, the time that he used the field. That night when he was in the foster home and his drunken foster father, Todd was about to use that broken bottle on him. Kaworu saw that orange octagonal field in front of his eyes. It was beginning to click like figuring out the crucial clue to an annoying mystery. 

Kaworu's eyes opened widely. 

"Now do you understand brother?" The shadow asked, "You're one of us."

Kaworu didn't say a word, the shock or finally realizing what he was so much for him to take that he didn't know how he should react to the situation. All his life he had a nagging feeling that there was something different about him. He didn't know what it was but it was there like a sliver in the depths of his unconsciousness. It is this difference that separated him from other children. Now the truth is known. He is an angel.

The voice spoke again, "That field that protected you is what the humans call the AT field. They don't know that it's more than that."

"What is it?"

"It is the light of your soul sacred territory that no one is allowed to enter. Don't you understand, Tabris? Everyone has an AT field. It is the thing that separates your mind from those around you." 

The pieces fell into place, all of it was beginning to make sense. The incident with his foster father and the orange field, it was his soul trying to protect him. Whenever he would feel threatened the field would come to shield him. Kaworu knew that this was the fact that he had to accept.

"Since I am an Angel." He stated with a smile, "Then why didn't you come to me earlier?"

"At the time," The voice explained, "You were born out of your dormancy, actually I should say born from Adam. The rest of us were beginning to come out of our long sleep."

"All because Adam killed himself?"

"Yes."

"What do you want from me?" Kaworu asked

He kept looking into the face of the shadow wondering who this figure it is.

The figure spoke, "We need your help. The humans have taken Adams remains and are going to use them to their own advantage. We've been trying to get back what's left of him but the humans have stopped all of our attempts."

"What can I do?"

"Join us, Tabris. Help us save humanity from itself."

"Does this mean I have to kill people?"

The figure was silent for a moment, "Sacrifices have to be made for the greater good, like Adam before us."

Kaworu suddenly had a question in the back of his mind that he wanted to ask. 

"What were the humans going to do with Adam once they captured him?"

"Knowing the humans, they would probably use him as a weapon."

Kaworu sat back and thought about the things he's already been exposed to so far. It all seems so unreal that just a day ago he was just another faceless and nameless kid in a crowd. Now life has taken this abrupt change for the extremely bizarre. Yet, he felt so calm and peaceful as if he had been searching for a secret for so long and now he could rest easy knowing what it is. 

"Show me what to do." Kaworu asked

The shadowy figure then stood and saw that the figure almost looked like himself. It was as if his shadow had stood up on his own and was taking matters into it's own hands. The shadow outstretching it's hands and placed them on the sides of Kaworu's face.

"Trust me, brother." The shadow said, "You have nothing to fear, but this will feel a tad bit weird."

Suddenly in a flash Kaworu's head began to pulse like a heartbeat of a headache, with each beat the pain could be felt radiating around his head. Kaworu closed his eyes and in this pain he could feel something coming into his mind, he felt knowledge coming to him. The shadow was giving him knowledge, but on what? It was going too fast for Kaworu to comprehend what it all meant or how useful it was. He felt like screaming because of the pain, but he remembered the voice of that shadow, "Don't be afraid." 

It had become the longest few seconds of Kaworu's life, he felt the pulsing headache stop and he opened his eyes. He looked to the Shadow who had now sat back down in its place with the sun setting in the background. 

"When you awaken." The shadow spoke, "You will completely understand our mission and your own abilities too. All will be come clear when the time arrives. In the meantime, stay here. Don't let those humans find you. But you must also learn about one boy, a boy who is the bridge between what we the Angels of God are trying to prevent and the humans are trying to cause. You must observe this boy, named Shinji Ikari. Then when the time comes you'll feel drawn to a place, called Tokyo-3, but you are not to go there now." 

Kaworu smiled, "I understand, brother."

"Remember Tabris," The shadow warned, "When you feel that the time is right, you will be the last Angel, if you go there then it'll mean that the others have failed and you will be our last hope and you will be the last hope for the humans as well. Keep that in mind when you go into battle." 

"I understand, now." Kaworu said as he began to stir from his sleep and he began to wake up on the soft cool grass. 

He looked up and saw the sun begin to rise over the eastern skyline. He looked at his hands as if he were looking at them for the first time. He understood all of it, what he is and what he can do. 

"Let us see what the future will bring." Kaworu thought. 

E 

So, that's how it is. My name is Kaworu Nagisa. I am also known as Tabris, the Angel of free will created by God to save humanity from itself. Humanity, or rather the lillim as I would like to call them. I know that I was born from Adam, but the first wife of Adam, Lilith gave birth to all humanity thus the name I call them, lillim. My time hasn't arrived just yet, so I shall do what the angel who awakened me instructed to do. He told me of a boy named Shinji Ikari; I was said to observe him. I thought, how I was I to observe him without getting caught by the lillim. At least that was what the lillim side of me thought, but the Angel side of me had a different approach.

_Open your mind,_ it said, _allow mind to go free._

I lay back on the soft grass in the clearing, I closed my eyes and I allowed myself to drift into a trance. I was opening my mind. It felt as if my mind was a being unto itself and it could leave my body like a person could leave their car. It was an extraordinary feeling, as if I was floating or flying but to where? 

I opened my eyes and found myself on an empty street. I had never seen a street as empty as this one, there were no cars, no people, only the sound of the wind blowing and the locusts creaking. 

_CREEK! CREEK! CREEK! CREEEEEK!_

As I looked I found that I was not alone, there ahead of me was a telephone booth and standing there was a boy with a backpack on. I dashed, but I couldn't feel the pull of gravity below my feet. I had a good idea of what walking on the moon must be like. When I stopped, I noticed that the boy was ignoring me. I got a good look at him, he was a young boy roughly around 15 years old with fair skin, brown hair, blue eyes, a blue undershirt covered by a white button-up shirt and wearing a green back-pack. 

"Excuse me" I called, but the boy didn't turn around he simply stood there at the telephone booth with the receiver to his ear. Suddenly I could comprehend all the information that was awakened within me. I've projected my own soul out of my body, and that's why he can't see me. He can't perceive my presence. I could hear what the voice within the phone receiver was saying at least vaguely.

_We're sorry, but due to the state of special emergency no lines are currently available. This is a recording._

"It's no use." The boy moaned as he looked down into the phone's receiver, "This is dumb. I shouldn't have come here." He hung up the receiver and then looked at a card. I walked around him to get a look at it. I found a woman who was down on all fours on the card who was roughly in her thirties with a message written on it. It said, _Shinji, I'll come and pick you up. P.S. Look at these,_ from that message was an arrow pointing to the woman's exposed breasts. I wondered what kind of woman would send a boy like this a card like that.

"Guess we won't be meeting here" He said with a voice full of sorrow then he looked at his watch, "maybe I should find a shelter."

The whole of this situation has become extremely odd to me. I've only been awakened to my angelic powers just a day ago and now I have to be an observer for a boy? If in fact this boy is the Shinji Ikari that I was instructed to watch. This must be proof that God must really have a sense of humor. Just as I was thinking that to myself the boy seemed to be looking straight at me, it was as if he could see me. I realized he was just looking off into the distance. 

I looked up and I heard the birds begin to flutter and fly away. As I watched them I had a feeling that something was coming this way. From out of nowhere there was a loud boom, it shook the steel guards on the closed stores of the streets and whipped the power lines above my head. I looked to the boy and found him covering his ears, yet I couldn't feel that kind of pain when I heard the noise. The two of us looked into the distance and from behind one of the hills several large aircraft's. They moved slowly, I wondered at the moment why they were doing that and then the answer came as an enormous lumbering monster towered from behind the hill. I knew what this creature was; it was one of my angelic brothers, Sachiel…so it has begun…the war between the angels of God and all of his children. 

I watched as Sachiel made mince meat out of the lillim machinery, he stood his ground against the onslaughts made by the aircraft's with their missiles. Sachiel even caught one of the larger missiles in his great hand as if it was a handball. I felt like cheering for him since the lillim machinery couldn't lay a single scratch on him. Then I watched him kill the lillim as if they were bugs. At that point I remembered what my angelic brother said that certain sacrifices have to be made, but can't their be a way for the angels to accomplish our mission without killing God's children? 

Sachiel used the light of his soul to float up and he came crashing down right in front of the young boy and I with the lillim aircraft under his feet. The explosion and shards that the crash had made went right through me. I couldn't be affected by it, yet my companion could be affected by it. If this boy is Shinji Ikari and he's the key to our mission then he can't die now.

"Sachiel!" I called, "Stop this!"

I thought that I could reach him and reason with him that we could accomplish our goals without killing the lillim. My efforts were useless as I watched Sachiel stay perfectly still, he couldn't hear me either. 

I heard a car coming I looked down and found a blue sports car pull up. The door opened and sitting in the driver's seat was that same woman from the card the boy had. Except she was wearing a black dress this time instead of short shorts and a loose tank top as in the picture. 

"Sorry" she said, "get in. Am I real late?"

"I would say so." I said to myself

E 

I had followed the boy into the car, even with my soul out of its body I still can't grasp anything solid. So that meant I had to constantly move with the car in order to hear whatever it was that these two were talking about. I knew that this boy was Shinji Ikari, all I needed was a conformation of my feeling. 

We had stopped on a hillside; I could see Sachiel in the distance still being surrounded by the lillim craft. From the distance that we were at the swarm of aircraft's looked like bees flying around Sachiel. They stayed around him for a moment and then flew away with great haste. 

"What are they in a hurry for?" I asked myself

"Wait a second…" The woman said looking through her binoculars, "No! They're going to use an M-2 mine! Get down!"

She went back into the car and laid herself down upon the boy like a blanket. I was confused as far as what they were going to do. I looked back and I saw a great explosion that light the sky and the clouds in an unnatural glow sending smoke, dust and debris into the air. It only took a few seconds for the shock wave to hit the car; it toppled over several times while I remained standing. Not even my hair was blowing in the wind of the shock wave but it didn't take long for the explosion to clear. I dashed to where the car had landed and I heard the boy coughing. 

"Are you alright?" The woman asked

"Yeah" the boy answered, "but my mouth is full of dirt."

"You'll be alright." 

The two got out and began to push the car back onto its tires, I was surprised that two lillim like these two could push a car back onto its tires after being in such an explosion.

"Thanks Shinji, you're pretty useful." The woman stated

It was then that I knew that this boy was Shinji, the one that I am to look over. Then an interesting question came to my mind, why am I to watch over this boy among all the other angels? Why me? Perhaps, God has a special plan in mind for me to deal with this boy. 

"Thank you, but I should thank you Ms. Katsuragi." Shinji said

"Ah, Misato is fine." Misato smiled as she took her sunglasses off, "So, Shinji Ikari, we meet at last."

"I have found you at last, Shinji Ikari." I said

E 

We had made our way to a city that was nestled in the hills far away from the attacks that were made by my brother Sachiel. I watched as the car pulled into a garage like door and past another one with half of a maple leaf on it with the word "Nerv" on it. 

The conversation between Misato and Shinji had started up again. I listened carefully. 

"Nerv?" Shinji asked

"Uh-huh" Misato smiled, "It's a secret organization controlled by the U.N."

"And that's where my father works?"

"Well yeah, you do know what he does don't you?"

"All my teachers told me it was important to the future of all mankind."

Future of all mankind, I thought. From what my brother told me, the Angels don't share the same point of view that what they plan to do is for their benefit. Rather it would kill them, so was Shinji's father planning mass genocide? 

"Misato, are we going to see my father?"

"Of course, of course we are."

I could still see Shinji's face as I traveled along with the car, I saw that his face went into a state of deep thought. Just then I saw a flash in my minds eye, like a memory. All I saw was a young boy with a torn shirt standing in the middle of a road with a bag at his side. He was crying. I could even hear his sobs. I wanted to hold onto the boy and try to calm him down. It was then that I realized that the young boy was Shinji. I had put the pieces together that his father abandoned him. I then remembered back to my foster father who would beat me like some kind of punching bag for his own amusement. I felt enraged by it. 

Just as the car was moving downward something came into view. Both Shinji and I looked in the direction that caught our attention the most. It was an underground fortress, a GeoFront. 

"A fortress for all mankind." Misato said

I thought that it was a wonderful sight to see, like digging for buried treasure and finding the mother load. The view was so breathtaking that it took my mind off of the rage that I felt when I saw those memories of Shinji. Then they came back. I couldn't help but feel so sorry for the boy. It made me wish with all my soul that I could do something for him, anything. 

Misato, Shinji and I wandered around the GeoFront for God knows how long. Simply because Misato wasn't exactly used to the place. Then again I can't exactly blame her, the place is such a maze that it makes me wonder what do they need all this space for. Then another joined the group, a tall blonde woman with green eyes and a mole like a tear near her left eye. 

"Hi, Ritsuko" Misato said looking at near frightened. 

"Why are you wasting my time?" Ritsuko asked, "Don't you know that we are short on time and manpower?"

I felt my head move backward, as if saying, _Well, excuse me! _I listened, as Misato explained it that according to something that she called the Marduke report, Shinji was the third child. I thought to myself, if that he's the third, where are the first two? Plus, why did they call him the third child? The third child of what?

"Battle stations level 1" A voice sounded through the whole GeoFront. 

I had a feeling that Sachiel was drawing close, could he have been drawn to me? Can he sense the presence of my soul here in this place? If that was the case why didn't he see me out in the street?

I had asked myself these questions when suddenly the lights went dim.

"Why is it so dark in here!?" Shinji called out.

The lights came back on and there was Shinji and I face to face with a giant robot. It was then I found out what the Angels were so concerned about. It was the synthetic life form known as Evangelion Unit 01. I already understood why they were so concerned; it's this that's drawing Sachiel closer. I could feel something within that machine, something alive yet sleeping. It felt like an Angel itself, but why? 

I looked up beyond the robot and I saw a man standing there, with a Lincoln style bearded, orange tinted glasses and white gloves. I had already gathered from the initial phrases exchange between this man and Shinji that this was his father. 

"Why did you send for me?" Shinji asked with tears in his eyes.

"You know why I sent for you." His father answered

"So, you're asking me to take this thing and go out there and fight?"

"Correct." 

I was surprised at the man's cold voice. The rage that I had felt from before when I made the connection that he abandoned Shinji grew stronger. The contemptuous look that the man had in his eyes and the indifference in his voice was infuriating. 

"How can you do this to me?!" Shinji screamed, "I thought you didn't want me. Why? Why did you have to call me now father?"

"Because I have a use for you."

__

A use?! _A use?_ Is how the man lives? Using people like they were Kleenex, use them and dump them? My hands had gathered into fists, I wish I had my body then I would tear that throat out of his neck with my bare hands. He reminded me of my foster father so much that it burned deep within my soul. 

__

"You vicious heartless bastard!" I shouted, but I knew that he couldn't hear me.

"But why?" Shinji asked, "Why me?"

"Because there's no one else who can." His father replied.

"No, I can't! I've never seen anything like this before! It's impossible! There's no way I can do this!"

"You will be instructed."

"But still.. there's no way I can pilot this thing. I just can't!"

"If your going to do it, then do it now! If now then leave!"

__

How can you? You're his father you sick bastard! How dare you! Using your own son like a condom. May God strike you down for this sin! 

As the rage swelled within me, the whole GeoFront began to tremble and shake all around me. Sachiel is close, he must sense the presence of what ever is in this thing called Evangelion Unit 01. At that point so mixed up, I am an Angel and my brother was telling me that I would have to fight. So now it comes down to a question of whose side should I be on? Should I go along with Shinji's side and hope that my brothers would die? Or stay on the side of my brothers and stop humanity from committing its foolish acts.

I then heard Misato leaning towards Shinji, she said, "You mustn't run away, Shinji."

I had made up my mind, I didn't care if Shinji could hear me or not, "Don't run away Shinji!"

To be continued…

****

Author's Notes: This is the part where I made a huge change in the story. In the old version of "The Angel with Broken Wings", it happened in the 13th episode where a whole bunch of events happened that would have screwed up the whole Eva timeline. So I redid the whole thing so that Kaworu can observe what happens to Shinji but he can't participate in any of the events that occur until his time comes. In this particular chapter I had to start at the beginning where Kaworu finds out that he's really an angel. Then he finds out about a completely different power that he has. I hope that this is better than the old version. 


	3. The Angel Watching over Me

****

Disclaimer: I don't own the copyrights to Evangelion. All copyrights belong to their respective owners. 

****

Readers' disclaimer: This contains Evangelion Spoilers. If you haven't seen all (and I do mean all of the series) I highly advise you don't read this. 

Neon Genesis

EVANGELION 

E 

The Angel with Broken Wings

Episode 2: The Angel Watching over Me

E

I had been at Shinji's side for as long as I could. I knew that I had to go back to my body to take care of it for when the time comes to use it. When the time came for me to go back to my body, I had made my way to Tokyo-3 on my own. I figured that once I got there I would find a small room of my own and wait for my time to come. 

I was thinking about that time when I had made my decision. I would root for Shinji, even though he couldn't hear me at all. I also felt that he needed it, especially after the attack by the fourth Angel, Shamshel. Shinji was in his pilots' seat with his classmates named Kenuske and Suzahara. 

At first I wanted to punch Suzahara's lights out since he had beaten up Shinji. His rational for it was that in Shinji's attack against Sachiel he wrecked part of the city and Suzahara's sister was caught under the debris. I could understand the rage he must have, but it wasn't Shinji's fault. He was the only one who could pilot it, at least competently from what I overheard Misato and Ritsuko talking about a girl named Rei who couldn't pilot Eva Unit 01. 

I had seen this girl named Rei, whom I found out that she was the 1st child and pilot of Unit 00. I had the same feeling with her that I felt when I first saw Eva Unit 01. I felt certain relationship with her, especially since she looked a lot like me. Pale skin, hair and eyes. One would almost say that Rei and I were like identical twins. Except I also felt that Rei was somehow hollow. I couldn't explain it but she seemed empty like a dead tree. 

After the attack by the fourth Angel, Shamshel, Shinji had run away. I followed him for the entire journey. He was silent, wandering and alone. Except for me, but that's no consolation for this boy who had no friends or anyone to let him know that he was needed or loved. I just wanted to hug him and tell him that everything would be all right after all these horrible events that had happened to him…but I couldn't…

I had arrived in Tokyo-3 and I kept myself hidden within the bad parts of the city. I remembered from observing Shinji that this part of town was the part that Rei Ayanami lived. A part of the city with that constant pounding noise that would never end. 

_BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!_

God, it was like Chinese water torture, I couldn't understand how Rei could live in a place like this. Especially how her apartment was; dim, no sunshine, no sense of decoration, just dark, dismal and empty. The apartment was just like her. I simply chose a small room somewhere that was out of the way as well as hidden so that I wouldn't be discovered. With some peace and quiet I was able to free my mind and allow my soul to leave my body to watch over Shinji. 

Then came the time for the arrival of the next child, the second one. I had followed Misato out of Tokyo-3 along with Shinji, Toji and Kenuske. That was the first time I had seen Asuka Langely Sohryuu, the second child and pilot of Evangelion Unit 02. She was a red hair girl with blue eyes and a smile on her face that said that she was ready to take on the world. At first I found her quite attractive, then she spoke. 

Then I found out what a bitch she is to everyone. Except her caretaker who was with her on the trip to Tokyo-3, a 30-year-old man named Kaji. I could already tell that Asuka wanted to rip her clothes off and throw herself at this man. I felt a great swell of pity for the poor girl. Then I saw her and her Eva in action, even though she was slightly out-matched against the shark-like Angel, Gaghiel. I felt that she couldn't stand a chance since her equipment was useless underwater, but somehow she and Shinji managed to pull out by increasing their sync ration together. 

Asuka's skills and Eva impressed me, but she's still a bitch even to Shinji, whom she always called "Third Child" instead of by his name. Every time she does that I feel like screaming, _his name is Shinji you little bitch, get it straight!_ I have become quite fond of, even though he's never met me. Funny isn't it how I've made friends with someone whose never seen me or heard of me? 

There was one time when these two Eva pilots had to fight the twin angels named Israfel. That was an interesting fight at first in my book, it seemed that Asuka had already won the fight, but I knew the capabilities of Israfel. He split himself into two, and fought both Eva's. So much for Asuka's grand entrance as she wanted it to be. It made me laugh when to combat Israfel the two pilots had to synchronize with each other, so for about seven days they had to eat, breath, and sleep together. Though, I will say that it's not in the context that most people would take it. Then on the night of before the battle the two slept in separate areas, I sat and watched as Asuka was sleepwalking. Instead of going back to her bed, she curled up next to Shinji. It looked like Shinji was about to kiss her but then Asuka whispered "Mama" in her sleep and she had a tear building up. I reached down to brush it away forgetting that I was a soul out of its body and my hand went through Asuka's face. 

Even though she is a bit of a bitch I knew then that she must have been hurting like crazy on the inside. The pity I felt was the same as the amount I felt for Shinji. Then I realized that Shinji and Asuka were like children born out of chaos. It would be interesting to me to see a love affair spring between these two. A sweet flower from bitter soil. 

E 

Shinji had left Never, his reasons were because of the 13th angel. The parasite named Bardiel. He invaded the new Eva, Unit 03 taking it over for his own. It was the dirtiest tactic I had ever seen. It seems that my brothers are growing more and more impatient as well as brazen. With Unit 03 under Bardiel's control he could proceed with our goals however he pleased. To add insult to this catastrophe, Toji Suzahara was the fourth child and pilot of Unit 03. With Asuka and Rei out of the way, it left up to Shinji to take Bardiel out. Except, I felt the same way as Shinji, there was a person in there. Was stopping Bardiel really so important to risk the life of Shinji's friend for it? His father seemed to think so when he activated a system that would bring Unit 01 under his control. I couldn't bear to watch as this mad man tried to kill Shinji's best friend. 

Events had seemed hopeless around the time of the 14th Angel, Zeruel. The only Angel that I've seen who had found a way into the actual GeoFront, not even Asuka or Rei could stop him. I thought that all hope was lost for these people especially since Shinji had left. But Kaji convinced him to go back and fight. 

With renewed confidence, Shinji fought Zeruel. Then hope seemed lost again when the battery power ran out for his Eva. He was screaming for the damned machine to start again. Then it did, it went berserk. I then found out that the armor around Unit 01 was simply a binding system to keep the monster within it controlled. So, my feelings were right, Eva is born of the same cells as Adam, just like me. The lillim have turned Adam into a weapon. How foolish of them to try to control something that's beyond their understanding.

When Unit 01 went berserk, it devoured Zeruel; I had witnessed first hand, Angel cannibalism. I felt sick to my stomach as I watched the deranged Unit 01 eat Zeruel alive like an animal.

I had returned to my body immediately after that. It was horrible to watch that, and from my room I could still hear the awful howls of Unit 01. It sounded like a man's voice but at the same time it was like an animal. I covered my ears to block out the sound of that howl. I kept my ears covered and I screamed to block out that noise but it was no use it still kept coming in. 

At last the noise stopped and I fell onto my bed and slept. As I slept I heard a voice calling me. 

"Tabris" the voice called, it was like the voice of a young woman. Then I realized that it was the voice of the 15th Angel, Ariel. 

"Ariel?" I asked

"Yes, Tabris." She said, "I understand that one of our brothers has placed you as an observer for the Eva Pilot Shinji Ikari, is that right?"

"Yes, that's right, but I don't know why. Do you?"

"I do, an observer is only a fancy name for a spy."

"A spy?" I asked shocked, "me? But I thought that I was only to observe the boy to understand him. He is after all the key to our goals." 

"An Eva pilot, key to our goals. That's a good one." She said as if she was laughing, "Tabris, you're only an observer to find out the weaknesses of the Eva pilots. From what I'm reading in your mind all of them have tragic pasts. That could be useful."

Suddenly it all became so clear to me, I wasn't sent to observe Shinji, I was sent to spy for the Angels. I've been betrayed by my own brothers and sisters, fooled into thinking that this was a good cause, but I already knew that it wasn't when Bardiel took over Unit 03. No cause is worth fighting dirty. 

"You lied to me!" I shouted

"We had to." Ariel said, "you've been around humans too long, so that would give you sympathy for them. I can see that you've already decided to betray us, but not to worry, I know that I can take out the Eva's with my powers. You see Tabris, you were quite useful to us since you can observe others without being detected. Now we know how to stop the humans."

"Stop Ariel! We're servants of God! The Lillim are God's children, is this God's will to kill his own children? Stop this madness!"

"I'm afraid it's already too late Tabris. Remember if we fail, you're our only hope. If you don't come back to our side then you've betrayed God himself."

E 

What a torn situation to be in. Torn between my fondness for Shinji and my duty to the Angels and God. For a long time I believed that I was serving a higher good if I had helped in stopping the lillim from completing whatever task they had planned. Now it seems I've gotten too close to Shinji, Ariel is right. I've been around humans too long, but I can't help it I have an affection for them. I just think that they had become arrogant when they tried to control Adam. The lillim thought that they could have a taste of what its like to be God, but that arrogance led them to near destruction. Yet, the ironic part is that the lillim are favored among all of God's creations and some don't even believe he exists. In spite of all that he's shown them infinite patience, but now its us Angels that struck back at them since we were favored second. Perhaps that's why my kind has been fighting them, like sibling rivalry for the attention of God.

I opened my mind again and went to the Eva's. I found that Ariel was already making her attack on Eva Unit 02. I watched as Unit 02 was twitching like a seizure patient. It was raining that day and the light from Ariel had pierced through the clouds bringing light to them. I screamed to the heavens knowing that Asuka was in that Eva.

"ARIEL! STOP!"

Again, my efforts were useless, all useless. There was nothing that I could do. I felt like a child once again. All I could do was simply watch the horror happen in front of my face and do nothing about it. Then the final blow was struck when Rei had killed Ariel, I was surprised that she could do it in the first place. But my heart had sunk to the floor when I saw Asuka. She sat curled up on the sidewalk. She looked like she had been raped. 

"I hate everything!" She screamed, "I hate everything!"

I reached down to hug her feeling my arms go through her body once again. I shook my head seeing what Ariel had done to her. It was then that I vowed that I would not aide the Angels in anyway, nor would I aide the lillim in their plans.

I know what I must do. I must die. 

To be continued…

****

Author's Notes: As you've already noticed this is a retelling of the Eva series. Or at least paraphrased at certain points. I felt that I didn't want to retell the entire Eva series, that would be too boring and it would take too much time. So I only took parts from the series that were actually my favorite as well as the parts that show the personalities of the pilots. Now, the truth has come out for Kaworu that he was really a spy instead of an observer. And now Kaworu feels betrayed left only with his last resort.


	4. The Angel's Plea

****

Disclaimer: I don't own the copyrights to Evangelion. All copyrights belong to their respective owners. 

****

Readers' disclaimer: This contains Evangelion Spoilers. If you haven't seen all (and I do mean all of the series) I highly advise you don't read this.

Neon Genesis

EVANGELION 

E 

The Angel with Broken Wings

Episode 3: The Angel's Plea 

E 

Morning, I look up out my window the sky to watch it turn colors. It has gone from being the dark blue and star specked sky of night to the warm light of the soon rising sun. Nature can be wonderful sometimes but other times nature can produce equally as terrifying nightmares. The time has come. 

As it was explained to me, when the time was right I would feel drawn to this place. It was a feeling like a magnet being pulled to its source of pull. I walked out of my room and to the streets. The city was horrible, I saw buildings that once stood as proud icons were now just broken material, telephone poles that were snapped in half like toothpicks, and roads were now just small rivers. I fly up above the buildings, using the light of my soul to push me up over the city to get a better look. I see the lake that was created by the sacrifice of Rei Ayanami against the 16th Angel, Armisael. Now it comes down to me, I'm the last one. 

I float down towards the lakes shore, descending slowly down like a snowflake. As I'm making my way down I can see all the destruction in greater detail. The cracks in the buildings are greater, the rocks are larger and the city had survived 14 angels and now it looks like it had survived Armageddon itself. 

The rock I stood upon look like an Angel that had fallen from grace. One wing out of the water and a part that looked like its head was only halfway out of the water from lying on its side. Though I knew it was simply chance that formed this rock. I look around at this desolate place. I shake my head in thinking about all that humanity has done. 

"People can't make anything," I said aloud, "people without God can't do anything. They can't live without God."

In front of me as I had asked that question, something appeared before my very eyes. It was the Seelee monolith that I had once seen all that time ago. It was a black upright rectangle with those red letters that read; "Seelee 01 Audio Only". It reminded me of that black rectangle monolith that was in the movie _2001: A Space Odyssey._ I was hoping that someone would start playing the theme form that movie. Instead I heard a voice say to me.

"God has nothing to do with it." 

The voice was coming from the Seelee 01 monolith, as it said it's piece another one appeared. This time to my left and this one read "Seelee 12 Audio Only" on it in the same red letters. I heard another voice come from that one. 

"When God stopped believing in man," he said, "Man stopped believing in God. This is the reason for the Human Instrumentality Project."

Another Seelee monolith appeared and this time it was to my right with the red letters saying, "Seelee 03 Audio Only" on it. As soon as that one appeared a whole Stonehenge circle of these monoliths appeared around me in a circle. 

I heard a voice come from my right, I knew it was Seelee 03, "That's why the project was created, to give hope to mankind." It said

I chuckled with that first step phrase. 

"Hope?" I asked, "Why do you need me to give hope?"

"This is the hope of the human race. Humanity has reached a dead end, we've become decadent, hopeless and Godforsaken. We must progress forward, that is the reason for the Instrumentality project. It requires an Angel like you in case Gendo Ikari decides to betray us. You will be the Fifth Child and you will be given access to Nerv."

I'll keep playing along with them, "I'll do it."

"Very well." Seelee 01 said, "We will make the necessary arrangements. This meeting is over."

The Seelee Stonehenge vanished from my sights, as it did I felt the warmth of the sun come over the Eastern Horizon. I felt it's warm peeking out from over the mountains and I saw it's yellow light flood over the treetops and onto the lake like a flood. The light made the lake look like blue glass with diamonds sparkling on it.

"They think that they can trick me?" I said to myself, "They're being as foolish as with Adam."

E 

I stayed by the lake, watching its waves roll up and down against the rocky shore. I've sat down on this fallen angel rock watching time pass me by. Sitting on this fallen reminded me of a religious fact, when an Angel falls from heaven, they become devils. I wonder if that applies to me since I decided not to help the lillim or the angels. 

I watched the sunset; it is equally as beautiful as the sunrise. I watched the sunset splash it's colors of the visual spectrum across the sky as if it was the suns personal canvas and it was throwing its paint on it. I feel my eyes become more drawn to the red end of the sunset. The red reminds me of my red eyes and shirt while the rest of my clothes are white. Such as my pants and the white button-up shirt over my red T-shirt, I think it's ironic. Blue is the color of Earth, while red is the color of Heaven. I think it fits in its own ironic way. 

Even though Seelee thinks I'll help in their plans, but they don't know me that well. I'm smarter than they think. I'm going to go ahead with a plan of my own. Though part of this plan will involve me dying but it doesn't seem to bother me. Strangely enough I feel happy about it. I think it's because of the sneakiness to trick the old men of Seelee that I like about it. Watching the beautiful sunset I feel so happy that I begin to hum Ode to Joy to myself. 

I can remember the first time I heard that. It was just after the attack by Zeruel, the 14th Angel. I had turned on the radio to try to forget the howl of Eva Unit 01. The radio was tuned to the AM station and it was then that I heard the beautiful chorus of Ode to Joy. The song was so beautiful that it stayed with me that whole time. The chorus sounded even more majestic then the highest choir of angels that God could even conduct. Music is a great achievement of lillim culture. 

As I was humming to myself, I knew that I wasn't alone a few minutes later; I look behind me and see a boy come to the rocky beach. I recognize this boy it's Shinji Ikari. I felt like jumping up and down singing Hallelujah because now I can finally speak to him and he can hear me. All that time I had watched him and he never knew that I was the angel on his shoulder. 

He looked horrible; his eyes drooped as if he had been awake for days. I wished that I could see into his mind and find out what's troubling him. I know I can't let him know that I'm an Angel that would blow my cover. If these were my last days alive, I would rather spend them with a friend. 

I looked forward towards the sunset, still humming to myself. After a few bars I stopped, but I kept looking forward.

"Singing is good." I say to Shinji, "Song brings joy and revitalizes the soul. I think that song is the greatest achievement of lillim culture. Don't you agree? Shinji Ikari."

I look at Shinji's face; his eyes are wide yet his eyebrows were angled. His face spoke a feeling of confusion. Yet I think he's lonely and needs a friend. I knew that I would be that friend for him and he would be my friend. This would be both from my last days of like and it would be a lasting memory for him."

"How did you know my name?" He asked me

I felt so happy just hearing his voice speaking to me. He could see me, no longer will I watch him as an observer. 

"Everyone knows your name." I say, "I don't mean to be rude but your rather ignorant of your position."  
"Really?" He asks me, "And you are?"  
I tell him my lillim name, "I am Kaworu. Kaworu Nagisa. I'm like you, one of the selected children. The Fifth Child."

"You're the Fifth Child?" 

He sounded shocked, then again anyone would be to meet a total stranger and then find out that person will be a new co-worker. 

"Mr. Nagisa." He calls me

I chuckled because it reminds me of when he first met Misato and called her Ms. Katsuragi, "Call me Kaworu, Mr. Ikari."

"Mr. Ikari?" He smiles, "Oh no, you can call me Shinji."  
I smile. 

E 

For my first day as an Eva Pilot, we were to have a sync test. This test was to see how well a pilot could synchronize with an Eva robot. Basically with a low sync ratio the robot will not respond as quickly, but a high sync ration the robot will respond so well that one would swear that it was moving with them. This is a power of mine; I can synchronize with an Eva as easily as getting on a bicycle. As long as the Eva's soul isn't as dominant as me.

All I have to do is sit in a very confined pilot cockpit within a tube that was called an Entry plug. The plug was about as big as an F-16 fighter, or at least the nose of it. Though sitting in the cockpit isn't exactly like sitting in a car. When I sat in it, the entry plug had to fill with a liquid call LCL, Link Connection Liquid. This fluid was to help bridge the gap between the Eva and myself. My lungs have to fill with this stuff and I have to breath through this fluid. At first I felt sick when I breathed it in, but then I felt disgusted when I noticed it smell. The LCL smelt like blood, that salty, coppery tasting smell. 

At the time I smelt that LCL I went to thinking about the plan I had made to go against Seelee. Though a dark cloud hangs over me, if I betray Seelee would I betray Shinji as well? 

E 

After the sync test I went in search of one of the other Eva pilots. More specifically I went searching for Asuka Langely Sohryuu. I can still remember those words she said right after the battle with Ariel.

_I hate everything!_

I found her, she was in the hospital, under the fluorescent lights of the hospital hallway I walked into her room. Her room wasn't that homey in my opinion, it was more like a prison cell made to look like a hospital room. It was small; the door took up half of the width of the room, while its length was only that of two beds. I walked over to the bed at the far end where there were machines hooked up to the poor soul on the bed. 

I heard the heart machine beat, beep, beep and beep with each heartbeat. I knew this meant that Asuka was still alive but what happened to her is what I wondered. I walked closer to her bed and found her lying in bed and staring up at the ceiling with glazed eyes. She was staring at the light in a catatonic state. 

"Ariel went too far with you, Asuka" I whispered. I felt such deep sympathy for her. The angel that spoke to me said that I was to save the lillim from themselves. Is this how we are suppose to save them?

I looked at Asuka with nodes connected to her check and hooked up to the monitoring devices, her heard, EEG and blood pressure. I don't know if she saw me or if she was ignoring me. I bent down to place my hand on her forehead and when I did that I felt a rush come from my hand straight to my brain. 

I heard a chorus start to sing Hallelujah, and I saw flashes of words in my minds eye. I saw these words;

Ariel 

Menstruation

Comfortable

Double Suicide

Intruder

I hate everything!

I yanked my hand back and felt sweat droplets on my forehead and my lungs began to take in more air than normal. I pulled my hand back as if pulling it away from a burning stove. I cradled it as if it was burnt, but it wasn't. I had an idea of who did this to her, it was the Angel named Ariel. 

"Damn you Ariel!" I cursed, "Was killing a young girls sanity your way of protecting her?"

Suddenly I had a deep shame for being an Angel because an Angel did this. To watch Asuka in that state made me think that there are far worse things than death. After this experience I decided to leave Asuka because there was nothing that I could do for her. I wish I did, I could finally be able to talk to her, but its not within my power. 

E 

I walked through Nerv headquarters. Seelee said that I would have access, but I didn't know how much access I would have. I walked through the mess of rooms, escalators, elevators and God knows what else. Suddenly I heard something, I heard someone coming up the escalator. I slid my hands into my pockets and waited for the arrival of whoever was coming up the moving stairs. Suddenly I see the top of someone's head, I see her in her face. It was Rei Ayanami. I saw her pale blue hair, red eyes and pale skin. I felt the same elation I had when I met Shinji. Watching someone for all that time and then finally meeting them, like meeting your favorite movie star. 

"You're the First Child aren't you?" I ask her

Her face stays as plain as it can be, emotionless like carved marble.

"Rei Ayanami." I say, "You and I are the same."

"Who are you?" She asks me in her calm emotionless voice

"I am Kaworu Nagisa, the Fifth Child. I am right you know that you and I are the same. If you don't believe me, look in the mirror and you'll find out how much alike we are." 

She stays still and says nothing. 

"I'm sure it'll be a pleasure working with you." I say to Rei and I walk down the escalator and allow it's moving steps to carry me down. I turn back and look at her she's still staring with those red eyes that are so eerily similar to mine. But I continue on my way like a traveler seeking his path. 

E 

Walking through Nerv headquarters can be a pain in the ass sometimes but I didn't think about it. I won't be here for very long. While I was walking, the sweat that I've gotten from that experience with Asuka had dried. It made me think that I could use a shower. 

I found Shinji sitting at a bench with his headphones on. From what I saw on the Liquid Crystal Display on his Walkman it read "26". When I see him I'm hearing _Beethoven's Ode to Joy._

He sees me.

"Hi," I smile, "You weren't waiting here for me were you?"

"No." Shinji responds at first, "Well, not waiting anyway."  
He seems to be blushing; through I don't think it's any kind of attraction. I think it's more of an embarrassment that he'd be in a situation like this.

"So what are you doing?" I ask

"Well." He explains, "Usually when the tests are over, I'll take a shower and go home. But I don't really want to go home these days."

I felt sympathy for Shinji that he didn't want to go home these days, but I smiled and bare it. Then I thought of some philosophy books that I read once, so I shared some pieces I knew. 

"The fact that you have a place where you can return," I say, "A home, will lead you to happiness. That's good."

"You think so?" Shinji asks with his face brightening up like a Christmas tree.

"I'd like to talk some more. May I come with you?"

Shinji looked confused. 

"To the shower." I stated, "Aren't you going now? Or do you mind?"

"Oh, no." I don't mind."

E 

The shower room was almost like a Turkish bath. It was warm and steamy with one huge tiled bath at the end of a tiled floor and shower stalls leading to it. Shinji and I sat in the bath with the water up to our chests feeling both the waters warmth below and the steamy feeling above. 

There are some that would view this as a homosexual situation. Though it's not like that, this is simply a way for me to speak to Shinji and to tell him my thoughts. Besides I had seen Shinji naked before when I watched him move in with Misato for the first time. I can still remember that look he had on his face when he met Pen-Pen in his naked state, then running out to Misato without his clothes. I still find it funny even though it's embarrassing for him. 

In front of us along the wall above the bath was a screen that was like those flat screens. The kind that could be hung on a wall and television could be watched on it. This flat screen was a "White image machine" as I would call it. There are machines that produce nothing but soothing sounds like a babbling brook, a soft thunderstorm, a human heartbeat and so on. Except on this white image machine it showed different relaxing scenes, a mountaintop, a moving stream and a waterfall. 

I spoke and shared my thoughts

"You are extremely afraid of first contact." I say, though this isn't my philosophy, it's more of a statement of fact about Shinji. I know this to be true from watching him all that time, "Are you that scared of affection?" Here's where I share the philosophy part, "If you don't get close to others, you won't be betrayed and you won't hurt each other, however neither will you forget what loneliness is. Man can never make loneliness disappear because man is alone, but man can forget. So, man can find the will to live."

I reached for his hand because I wanted to comfort him. I felt like a hypocrite, I'm telling him that if he keeps his distance from people he won't be betrayed. Yet I fear that I shall betray him. Then again, this could be a good experience for him, he will know what it is like to be close to someone and then be betrayed. On the other hand Shinji already knows this because of his father abandoning him so long ago. 

Suddenly the lights are shut off, Shinji and I are left sitting in the steamy air, warm water and near darkness. 

"It's time." Shinji said

At fist I thought the was referring to something else, "Is this it?" I ask

"I have to go to bed."

I smiled and decided to joke, "With me?"

He reacts differently then what I was expecting, "No." he says, "You have your own room, I think." 

"Right." I say. It looks like my humor didn't work as well as I had hoped. So I shared a few more pieces of philosophy, "Man always has pain in his heart. Since his heart feels pain, he experiences life as pain. You're delicate like glass."

"Am I?" He asked

I look at him, "Yes and that earns my sympathy."

Shinji looked confused and even with what little light there was I saw him blushing. I couldn't' figure out why but I guess it's because he's realizing the truth and it's humiliating for him to face. I know that it's painful for him but he'll find his way through it.

"Sympathy?" He asks

"I'm saying I love you."

I said that to him because he's my friend, I said that I wanted to spend my last few days with a friend. I know that I've said that many times before but I do plan to die. Yet, I don't know whether my death will be the good for the Angels or it will be the good for mankind. 

E 

Shinji and I spent the night in my room within Tokyo-3. It wasn't very much, it was just a simple bed, a desk and some shelves in the wall. 

I slept on the bed while Shinji slept on the floor, I did feel guilty about it. 

"I think I should sleep on the floor." I said

"No." Shinji stated, "I am staying at your place. I should sleep down here."

Silence. It was an awkward silence, the kind where you feel that someone should speak.

"What do you want to talk about?" I ask him hoping to hear whatever's on his mind, "You want me to listen to you, don't you?" That's how Shinji is, when he's silent he wants someone to listen to him. 

"Many things have happened since I came here." I'm sure he was reminiscing about the days before Tokyo-3, "I used to live with my teacher. They were calm and boring days. I was just living… but I was fine with that. There was really nothing I had to do."

"Do you hate people?"

"Not really, I don't care. But I really hate my father."

I couldn't blame him for hating his father. I can still remember him saying that he had a use for Shinji, as if he was some kind of tool or Kleenex. I turned my head to look over at Shinji with a smile on my face stretching from ear to ear. He sees me. 

"I think I was born to meet you." I said

E 

A new day came, the sun rose over the eastern sky. It was the last thing I wanted to see before I died. Today is the day and the time is now. I shall begin my betrayal; I pray that Shinji will be the one to end it all. 

I took to Eva Unit 02, because I can control it easier than Unit 01. Asuka's soul is shutting herself up, so I'll take unit 02. 

"Let's go." I said to Unit 02 as if it were awake, "Come, Adam's alter ego and Lillith's minions." 

I'm in what the lillim call Eva's cage. It's similar to a cargo bay, steel walls, ceiling and floors. In the middle of this bay is a lake of purple fluid; the only thing crossing over the liquid was a small narrow bridge. I'm standing on that bridge looking into Unit 02's face. It's enormous robotic face with four lenses on the sides of its head like eyes and a line across its face to imply a mouth. The head was taller than my four foot nine inches. I would estimate that the robot would be over one hundred feet tall, a true Goliath.

I stepped out onto the purple lake and I was walking on it just like Jesus across water. Except after my third step I floated up to Unit 02's face. 

Using my powers I turned it on. I watched as it's four lenses light up and it's mouth opened. As it did the music started, the music of _Beethoven's 9th symphony 4th movement _blared through the walls of the cage and I'm sure throughout all of Nerv. 

I watched as the purple lake below me began to drain quickly as if it were a soda being sucked up by another giant. Soon I saw the very bottom of the lake, and there was a trapdoor at Unit 02's feet. I opened it with my mind and Unit 02 and I made our descent down a vertical shaft. I felt as if I was going down a tube with its enormous circularity encompassing both the one hundred foot tall Unit 02 and me. 

I looked up and I heard something else come down the vertical shaft. I knew who it was. Shinji is late. 

I heard his voice ring through the vertical shaft like a bouncing echo, "You betrayed me! You hurt my feelings! You betrayed me like my father did!"

My heard was filled with pain, I felt like crying. My worst imaginable thoughts have come true. Shinji sees me as something like his father, a cold, emotionless traitor. Yes, I have betrayed my best friend, but can the cost of billions really worth betraying one? Do the needs of the many really outweigh the needs of the few? 

"I have been waiting for you, Shinji." I call up to him as I see his equally enormous Eva Unit 01 coming down the vertical shaft towards me. 

I float in mid air continuing the descent down and down. I watch as Eva Unit's 01 and 02 fight each other. Each has a knife in their hand that would be about the size of a stretched limousine. I felt like a bug watching a street fight that involves switchblades. My heart was still full of pain hearing those words from Shinji's lips. They say sticks and stones may break my bones but words can hurt me, that's true when being in my place. I felt confused about something; I had to know the why about the Eva's.

"The Eva series were born from Adam." I thought back to what the Angel told me, "The entire lillim race must abhor their existence. They try to survive even if it means taking advantage of the thing they hate. I do not understand this."

Shinji calls to me, "Kaworu, stop this! Why are you doing this?"  
I explain my own reasons, "Eva is created from the same cells and tissues as I am. I am also born from Adam. So I can synchronize with it as easily as if it has no soul. Unit 02's soul is now shutting itself up. So therefore Evangelion Unit 02 is mine!" 

One of the Eva knives comes at me; it's like watching a car coming at you at fifty miles an hour. Yet I didn't flinch, I knew what was going to save me from this. As the knife was only a few inches away from me, the light of my soul protected me from it. I see it's orange octagonal outlines as it emits it's light from the pressure of the knife. I think that my soul knew that this wasn't the right time to die. 

"An AT field?" Shinji shouts

"Yes." I said, "At least that's what you lillim call this. This is the light of my soul, sacred territory where no one should intrude. Don't you understand? Everyone has an AT field. It is the thing that separates your mind and thoughts from those around you."

"I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!" Shinji screams at me.

I'm sorry Shinji, I think to myself, but it is lillim fate. Lillim hope is made with sorrow. 

My descent is continuous down and down through the vertical shaft. Suddenly the vertical shaft stops and we come to an enormous cavern. It was like the inside of a cave, with stalagmites coming from the floor and stalactites dripping from the ceiling. It would be a cave except for the fact that it looked like a Technicolor rainbow that had been smeared through the room. Colors were splatters and smeared on every surface of this face. I could see that as the Eva's and I land upon the cavern floor.

Eva Unit's 01 and 02 are still fighting, but Shinji calls to me, "Kaworu! Wait!"

I felt like crying again, I can somewhat understand that the needs of the many outweigh my or Shinji's needs. Yet is this pain really worth all of this? The one's responsible is Seelee. They'll soon see. 

I float along the floor of the cavern until I come to a metal wall against the cavern wall. I see a set of doors with a slide through card key. I look at it and watch the screen switch from the red word, "Locked" to the green word, "Unlocked". 

I know that what lies beyond this door will cause the first step of Instrumentality as Seelee had told me. I look beyond the doors and I find something that was similar to the Eva cage. It was a pool of yellow liquid, similar to that of the LCL, as a matter of fact I could smell the stench of blood coming from that place. Yet I endured it and I walked in. I saw a small bridge going from where I stood across the lake of LCL to the other wall. Yet something enormous caught my attention. I floated into the room, into the smell of blood to find what was here to cause the "Third Impact". 

I saw an Angel, it white all over, as if it was wearing a white jumpsuit that covered everything from head to toe. Yet on it's face was a purple oval that had a black triangle with nine eyes over it in a stacked pattern. Was this Adam that the Angel told me about?

"Adam." I speak hoping that the angel will speak to me, "Our mother, one who is born from Adam must return to Adam, although it could destroy all humanity?"  
I looked closer and saw who this Angel is and it's not Adam. This Angel is Lillith. Now I understand what the humans are trying to do. I had the impression that this would destroy all humanity, now I have a better understanding of what they're going to do. Dissolve the AT fields, break down the borders that separate minds from each other. Once that is done then all people will merge into a singular entity, sharing each other's lives, thoughts and feelings. Though I don't think I should be the one to take that first step. All Angels must return to Adam, but Lillith is the mother of humanity and humanity must return to Lillith. The humans need their future, I shouldn't stop that and so it seems that I'll betray everyone, The Angels, Seelee and Shinji.

Come to me, Shinji. You must be the one who must do it. You must kill a traitorous angel like me, only you can do it.

I hear a thunderous thump behind me and I see Eva Unit 02 lying within the lake of LCL with a knife in its face and bleeding purple blood. I look to see Eva Unit 01 standing up to it's ankles in the LCL. Shinji did it; he's made it to me. The enormous hand of Eva Unit 01 wraps around me as if I were a doll. 

"Thank you Shinji." I speak, "I wanted you to stop Unit 02. Otherwise it will have survived with her."

I hear the tears in Shinji's voice as he calls me, "Kaworu, why?"

"Because it is my destiny to live although it would bring destruction to humanity I would prefer to die here. Life and death are equal to me. Death of the self, that is only absolute freedom."

"What are you? I don't understand what you're talking about!"

"This is my will." I say as I look deep into Unit 01's two eyes hoping to see Shinji's face before I die, "Now, kill me. Otherwise you'll be killed and you are not the existence that should die." 

I look up to the ceiling and I see a catwalk wrapping around the room and there I see the girl Rei Ayanami. I smile wondering what she's doing here. Actually I can't wonder anymore, I have to face death with my eyes open. 

I explain one last thing to Shinji; "You need the future. Thank you, Shinji Ikari. My life was meaningful because of you." I smile with my eyes open, and I wait for Shinji to make the decision. I know that he's having trouble trying to weight eh consequences of each action. If I were to die he would suffer tremendously, but if he were to die, then all of humanity will die as well.

I hear the song _Ode to Joy_ come to a close with the dreary voices of the chorus. I feel Eva's grip around me getting tighter, the feeling around my face was like that if I were in deep water. Suddenly I can feel my head separate from my neck. I still kept my eyes open even with my head going down to the LCL below. 

"Good bye Shinji." I think, "I'll see you on the other side." 

As my head sinks in the LCL all I see is yellow, endless yellow around me. Then the black comes in over my eyes. This is the end of me. The end of Kaworu Nagisa the Fifth Child, the end of Tabris the 17th Angel, and all goes black. 

E 

Later that night Shinji Ikari and Misato Katsuragi were sitting on the rocky shore of the newly created lake. It was nighttime already, the moonlight made the lake look like liquid velvet with the diamonds of the moon scattered across its surface. The sound of the water rolling against the rock made the background noise and the air was cool. Shinji looked in his hand at an envelope, on the front it read in Kanji, "For Shinji Ikari." 

"What's that you have, Shinji?" Misato asked

Shinji held up the unopened letter, "After Kaworu's death I went to his room and found this letter on the table." 

"Go ahead and read it." Misato asked, though she wasn't asking as if giving an order she was asking as a favor. 

Shinji opened the letter and with a series of tears he read the letter a loud. 

__

To Shinji Ikari,

If you're reading this letter, then I've died already. I know that you must feel hurt, betrayed and confused. I know that it must hurt even more to know that I'm an Angel. Please understand that this is for a common good. I must confess this to you. Ever since you came to Tokyo-3 I had been watching you. I had been an observer, at least that's what I thought. Then I found out that the Angels were using me to be their spy. I didn't want to be their spy anymore. I had become attached to you, Asuka and Rei. After watching all of you for so long I felt so close to you and yet you didn't know that I was there. I wanted you to be the one to kill me, because of the bond that had built in my mind with you. Remember Shinji, you mustn't run away, you need the future, unfortunately for me I have to die, because if I live it will destroy all humanity. I want you to know that you are not wrong. I realize now that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. 

Good Bye, Shinji.

Take care of yourself,

Kaworu Nagisa

Shinji arms fell to the ground as the letter and the envelope were carried out of his hand by the wind to the incoming dark blue lake waters edge. There in the lake the paper letter was pulled away by the wave and it's words became soft and breakable as the water seeped through it. The ink from the words began to melt and smear on the paper as it mixed with the water. There was no way to describe the pain in the hearts of Misato and Shinji.

Misato chose to stand on her own two feet while Shinji chose to sit down on the rocky beach and watch the tide carry the letter out into the lake.

"Kaworu said he liked me." Shinji stated remembering their time together. It was hurting even more than ever, "I have never…never heard such kind words. He was like me…and Rei…I liked him, too. Kaworu should have survived…he was much better than I…Kaworu should have survived."

"No." Misato refuted, "The one who survives is the one who has the will to survive. Kaworu neglected his will to survive and chose a false hope. He was right about one thing, you are not wrong, Shinji."

"How can you be so cruel?"

"It's the only way I know to live." Misato explained, "Even though Kaworu is gone, you must survive and live on. Life must go on."

"How can I?"

"You'll find a way." 

The beginning of the end…

****

Author's Notes: This is obviously a rehashing of the 24 episode where Kaworu Nagisa officially appears as the Fifth Child. I thought to myself that it wouldn't be challenging for me to just do it in Third Person Narrative. So I thought "Why not do this from Kaworu's point of view?" Because this is a story about him and he should have his version of how things look to him. Plus it will allow untangling certain facts as to his decisions. Plus I've added a few twists to this episode to make it a little more heart wrenching. Now that it's done, I hope you've enjoyed it. ;-)


End file.
